to state the obvious

Hello!

I just wanted to let those who read this know officially that I am going to stop stressing about this blog. That is a little dramatic, but I sometimes feel bad that I am not as devoted to writing my thoughts on here as I imagined...you know before I was actually married and had a baby.

I really love blogging, but the things on my mind other than my family are jumbled and not well educated thoughts. And I think I want to process them with my husband, house church family, and friends...not in writing. Plus I have a really good thing going in writing letters to Campbell and feel inspired in my storytelling on her blog.

When I started this blog I wanted it to be vivid and real...but our first year of marriage rocked in spite of a surprise pregnancy and how much I hated being pregnant. I happened to marry a wonderful man who communicates beautifully. We have had and continue to have hard and trying moments, but there is nothing shocking about our lives. And I don't want to write sweet, sappy posts that make people gag. Which is what I am afraid would happen if I wrote on here on a regular basis.

This life God has given me is not what I expected at all, I never realized that being married could be joyful, fun, challenging, and growing. Micah is the first relationship I have been in that has brought out the best in me. It's wonderful. I love how refining (not always a fun process) yet content this life is.

I also want to state that I do not believe being a wife and mother to be a ministry. They are definitely a calling and God calls us to love Him first, our spouses second, and our children third. But He does not call us to throw away our gifts and talents to serve our family. Instead, I believe, He asks us to unite as a family for His kingdom.

The saddest part of ending this blog, for me, is the idea of ending the sharing of ministries that inspire me. Though I haven't used this blog to do that for a very long time. Hence why I am stopping posting.

If you want to know what is going on in our family, the story of how Micah and I came to be, how Campbell came to be, or the hearts of us, please check out Dear Campbell,. To keep up to date on micahbellphotography, you can visit the website or the blog. :)

Love, Carter

Giving credit where it is due...

A friend of mine recently (as in today) found out he got an orthopaedic residency he submitted to God years ago. When I wrote him to congratulate him, I also thanked him for crediting God. He responded by telling me that he sacrificed monetarily in taking an internship at the Mayo Clinic (aka he didn't make a dime this year) in order to pursue his dream AND had very few interviews compared to his peers. Every step of his journey required him to live on faith that God will provide, which He did.

While this 10 minute e mail exchange occurred, Campbell was sitting next to me on the bed. As I looked at her, I thought about how God knew exactly what He was doing...He gave Micah and myself a perfect daughter for us. We can try to credit that we are amazing parents, but that is so untrue...we don't have a clue what we are doing! We know that we love each other, love her, and pray a ton. But Campbell is perfect...not always easy, but most definitely perfect.

And Campbell couldn't have come if Micah and I hadn't reconnected with each other and had our whirlwind romance. The past few months have definitely tested us, but we are managing with the Lord's help. As we strip away the emotional and material clutter in our lives, we have started coming back to the heart of God and His desire for us. We become more peaceful with what our future holds. We trust that we will be able to live off of a teacher's salary and don't consider much what the photography business will bring in financially. We just know that Micah will get to spend more time with our beautiful daughter, make his own work schedule, and truly love what he is doing.

So, it is time to truly give credit where credit is due.

Thank you, Lord, for orchestrating this beautiful path you created for us, the Bell family. We thank you for teaching us how to love each other and providing Jesus as an example of how to truly live. We pray that we continue to strip away the distractions that keep us from you and continue to walk toward the cross, Lord. We pray that Campbell grows knowing your love as it pours through us. We ask that you continue to show us how to simplify this life and live into the purpose you have provided. Please continue to reveal the desires You have for our family. Thank you for the community that so openly and unabashedly loves us. Thank you for the cultures that surround us, for creating us uniquely and in your image. We pray that we continue to respect and love our neighbors as we pursue justice and righteousness for all of Your children. Thank You, Lord, for Your word and all it teaches us. Thank You, thank You, thank You.

peace.

Growing Old

I found out yesterday the lump in my grandmother's breast is cancer. My grandma is a very special person to me and I credit much of who I am today to her involvement in my life. So it makes me sad to think that she is going through this, among the other health ailments in her life.

I was talking to my grandma on the phone the other day and she was really struggling to hear me. She kept asking me if I was keeping the phone close to my mouth (I was). After talking about her inability to hear me for a few moments, she confessed to me that she had been given a hearing aid and didn't like it.

Both of these events have reminded me of Ecclesiastes 12 and were reinforced when I was talking to my mom yesterday. When telling me about my grandmother's cancer, my mom told me she once heard that if you live long enough you'll get cancer.

I don't understand quite if it was God's intention for people to develop cancer over time, but I find it very intriguing how our bodies deteriorate. For a long time I've been determined to be someone who doesn't have to rely on many, many different medicines as I grow older.

I don't want to turn my grandma's struggles into being all about me, but they definitely reinforced this desire deep within my being. Especially since breast cancer is now present on both sides of my family. I want to be healthy for my children and there are preventative measures, so I might as well follow them.

peace.

Ecclesiastes 12

¹ Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

² before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;

³ when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;

⁴ when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;

⁵ when men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.

⁶ Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,

⁷ and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

Simplification

So, the Lent resolution to live a more simple lifestyle is a lot harder than I anticipated. I figured we would just stop eating out, spend less money, and get rid of stuff. But....life doesn't always go like planned.

What we've learned is that before we can simplify our lives by communicating more and supporting each other.

February was a HARD month for me...my antidepressants didn't seem to be working and Micah seemed to be needing more support in regards to micahbellphotography. I wanted so badly to be a great and supporting wife that I didn't know how to tell Micah what I needed. Plus I made a few financial missteps along the way, which is hard on some of our financial goals.

So far we've made one positive step on the path to simplicity. For the past 4 of 5 days we've gotten up early to get housework done. It's been amazing to start the day together and know that our evenings are free to play with Campbell, spend time together, and give Micah complete freedom to do whatever needs to be done for the photography business.

So, while it doesn't look at all like I thought it would, we are on our way!

peace.

PS Campbell has started doing some really fun things recently, you can check them out at Dear Campbell,.

Lent

I had a good friend in college who taught me tons about the season of Lent. One of those was a very thoughtful approach to the typical parts of the season. She would either add something to her life (like volunteering on a regular basis, fasting lunch, etc) OR she would be gracious in sacrifice. For example, she wouldn't give up chocolate, but instead she would put a dollar in a jar every time she ate it. She would then donate the money.

I like her approach. Last year we decided that eating out was bad for our pocket book, waistline (well, I was pregnant, but you know what I mean), and time together. We had starting lacking the creativity to create a healthy dinner rhythm.

Originally we were going to buy and eat local for Lent. I still really like this idea, but I don't know if we truly have the time and resources to do this fully. Micah likes the idea of not eating out anymore, but I feel like that has been done and I want a challenge. Especially because we ended up just buying lots of expensive pre-made meals at the Fresh Market.

So instead we are going totally generic for Lent. We recently attended a Training and Equipping at Common Ground and participated in a track about family rhythm. What we know about how we'd like our rhythm to be is that we desire to be a family that serves and loves the nations, we are social justice oriented, and we desire a simple life. So this year we are going to explore what is means to live simply.

What does a simple dinner look like? Or a simple weeknight? What if we had spaghetti and played a card game instead of multiple food items and TV in the evening? Where can we cut back in our spending? What does it look like to eat food without processed ingredients? Can we rid ourselves of this clutter? Does buying furniture for Micah's business count as living more simply?

So, this year we are going to approach our lifestyle head on and, hopefully, start the foundation for how we raise our family for years to come...

peace.

Thoughts

Well, we are finally *almost* all better. Campbell has been given a complete clean bill of health and we were told that she is perfect. (As if we didn't know this already!) I'm about about 85% and Micah is probably at 80%. So we definitely are well enough to resume regular duties with the occasional nap here and there.

I've been feeling like most of my conversations with people include a sentence beginning with "That's actually something I've been thinking about lately...blah." I feel like I have all these thoughts swimming in my brain and if I just read my Bible I might get some answers. Not that scripture is some magic formula, but I do believe that getting to know my Creator and hearing Jesus' words to be enlightening and telling.

Some of the thoughts that have been circling are:

Would I have less conflict in my life if I stopped telling people how I feel? Would that really make life better?

Is it really OK to pledge allegiance to the flag?

I really wish Christians wouldn't give Jesus such a bad rap...especially the missionaries from Idaho. I wonder if I am giving Jesus a bad name...

How can I be a productive and proactive member of house church when it is so hard to get there?

I want another mom to pour into me and show me how to be a woman of God, a wife, and a mother gracefully.

I want to read my Bible, but I can't decide what to read.

How exactly does the brain develop? How does this impact learning disabilities, disorders, and emotional health? If brain development truly is the cause of any of these, can you outgrow depression or autism?

Why do I just want to lay around and watch TV all day?

If it would be such a minimal sacrifice of $ (if all people above the poverty line gave some), why do people still live without clean water?

How can evolution and creation co-exist? AND it is so sad to me that, more than likely, humans began their walk on this earth on the continent of Africa yet it is such a place of devastation. (I can blame PBS' NOVA for this one.)


Anyway....please don't answer any of these questions. Thanks.

peace.

How you doin'?

We aren't doin' so well in the Bell household...

3 ears are infected, 2 sinus infections, 2 upper-respiratory infections, and a case of bronchitis all within a week!

I think Campbell sums it up best in her 6 month picture:

love, the Bells

Juno and Love

The first movie Micah and I saw together in a theater was Juno. Something unexplainable happened while we were watching it and created a special bond between the two of us and the movie.

When we first saw the movie we were the kind of in love that involved butterflies and giddy hand holding. Our eyes were tired from late night talks and our faces were tired from constantly smiling.

It has been about 2 years since we saw Juno in the theater and Micah put it on in the background as we settled in from our trip to Nashville today. (Spoiler alert) When the scene where Vanessa meets her son for the first time was on the screen, Micah said, "I always get teary at this part." I answered with a sob in my throat, "Me too."

It was then that he got up from the computer to come sit next to me as we watched the last 10 minutes of the movie squeezed onto our couch with his arm around me. The experience was very different than the first time we saw it in the theater.

Life has become wonderfully comfortable. The butterflies have been replaced with a deep love ingrained into every fiber in my body. I am starting to understand the term "one flesh."

I still have the butterflies from time to time . . . when Micah comes in from a long day at work . . . when I see him singing to Campbell . . . experiencing the love and devotion he has for his family . . . but our love has grown since the theater two years ago.

This life is pretty wonderful.

peace.

100

For this monumental occasion, in that this is the 100th post, I would like to tackle a sticky subject.

Eh, I was thinking about writing on submission, but I'm in Tennessee with Micah and baby c. I'm tired, C is whiney, and I don't really feel like putting effort into writing anything deep. So I'll just say this.

Submission is good. I highly recommend it. Especially when you have a rocking hubby like myself.

peace.

2009 Recap

I've been having such a good time writing letters to Campbell that I have kind of neglected this blog a bit. My guess is that I will start using it less and less frequently. Which is OK. Maybe a resolution can be to write in it monthly or so.

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately. I really miss the days of really taking the time to thoughtfully organize my thoughts and challenge my beliefs. There have been moments of that recently, for which I am incredibly thankful, and hopefully they will become more and more frequent to eventually encompass days and weeks.

But I digress . . . here are some of the highlights from this past year.

• Experiencing the craziness of pregnancy hormones, all the while knowing that I am loved by my husband.
• Crawling on the floor of Target in an attempt to get Chunky Monkey ice cream.
• Celebrating our first year of marriage a week early because we thought Little Miss Bell was on her way (when she didn't come until 2 weeks later).
• Finding Elmer a great new home.
• Gradually becoming more interesting.
• And, of course, meeting our beautiful daughter! You can read more about that at Dear Campbell. :)

peace.

Thankful

I've been spending most of my blogging time writing letters to Campbell since she seems to be taking up a larger part of this life now-a-days. But I wanted to take a second to write about this past year and give thanks.

The past two years of this life have been altering to put it mildly. Micah and I started "facebooking" about this time 2 years ago, we soon started dating, got engaged, got married, got pregnant, and became physical parents all within 20 months. We are now starting to relatively settle in...

And I am thankful.

I am thankful for an amazing husband. He loves being a husband and father. I love that he is passionate about Jesus, family, and being a photographer. I love that he and I were on the same page and willing to sacrifice financially so he could stay home. (Which has been amazing for his relationship with Campbell AND our marriage.)

I am thankful for an amazing daughter. She is hilarious, fun, and absolutely the most chill girl I know. I love getting to know her and seeing her personality develop. I love getting to teach her that we are always here for her and comforting her. I love reading to her and starting to teach her about Jesus and other nations at such a young age.

I am thankful for a heart that sings to be a mother. I am thankful Campbell will be a big sister (someday) and for being one flesh with a man who has a desire to give the lonely a family.

I am thankful for my quirky and loving family, as well as my amazing in-laws who love us so adequately.

I am thankful to my friend Becky for giving Elmer such a wonderful home.

I am thankful to my community at School 91. I have an amazing job and am blessed to be living into God's desires. I love my students and the staff. I appreciate an administration that allows me to stay home part time this year as well as a great job share partner.

I am thankful to be a part of a great church family and house church. Common Ground constantly challenges me to grow in my faith, encourages me to seek the Lord, and teaches me more and more about what it means to follow Jesus. My house church keeps me in check, loves me when it is both easy and difficult, and provides me with accountability and friendship.

I am thankful for friends to read books with and live life with.

I am thankful that God is faithful and persistent. I am thankful He whispers that he loves and misses me in my ear and that He is pursuing me.

I am thankful for Jesus' life on this earth and the legacy He has left for us. I am thankful I have an opportunity to follow in His footsteps and I pray that my heart continues to form to His.

May you recognize many thanks in this season. And may God's blessings be upon you.

peace.

Get out the VOTE!

Campbell is a finalist in a Halloween photo contest! If you would please go vote for her here:

http://murraycrew.blogspot.com/2009/11/4tunate-halloween-photo-contest-top-5.html

it would be MUCH appreciated!

peace,
Carter

quick update

So, it's almost midnight here on Kingsley Drive and I promised Micah I would stay up with him while he finishes a proof book for a client. He didn't ask me to stay up with him, I just knew it would be another way I can support him. He is an amazing man and wonderful photographer. I don't know if it is possible for a woman to be more proud of her husband than I am of him. It is my joy to stay up with him...to show my love and support of him, but also it gave me a chance to write my first entry in our new blog!

dearcampbell.wordpress.com

I've always wanted to have some kind of clever niche to blogging...for a while I thought I would incorporate the phrase "drunkenly staggering," or at the very least "staggering," into every post. But, alas, I couldn't smoothly make that happen.

But I discovered I like writing Campbell letters.

We will still maintain this blog, but my hope is to turn it back into something a little reminiscent of previous blogs...something to share our thoughts, and not just the day to day and statistics of our absolutely perfect daughter. :)

See, she's pretty perfect.

So anyway, check out dearcampbell.wordpress.com and check back in here sometimes as well.

peace.

3 months

Dear Campbell,

In true Bell fashion this letter to you is late. You turned 3 months old on Monday. Three months of our lives have been filled with your snorting, wiggling, crying, smiling, and pooping. Three months of our lives have only given us a fluttering notion of how you will change us.

You are the most precious gift God has given us. You have taught us so much about love and given us a glimpse of how God must love His children. Never would I have imagined the feelings I get when looking at you. It's like my heart is about to jump through my chest.

You've gotten too big for Daddy to toss you in the air. I swore I would never let myself forget how tiny you started, but it's already starting to fade. I just do my best to remember how it felt to have you fall asleep on me since you are no longer content snuggling.

You love to see the world and are always checking out your surroundings. You love looking at the fan above our bed, watching Dinosaur Train (much to Daddy's pleasure) on PBS, following the dogs while they play, and staring at pictures in books as we read to you. You love when Daddy reads you Cat in the Hat or when Mommy talks about the pictures in Eric Carle's Animals.

More often than not you are happy. You have the best, gummy smile and laugh at all our silly songs and voices.

I miss the days of cuddling, but love the baby you are becoming!

Love you, baby Campbell!

on being interesting

So Micah and I have been talking quite a bit about my post on being interesting. Micah has been so incredibly supportive about how I'm feeling...he is just an amazing husband, father, and man.

Our house church makes sack lunches for the Pourhouse (www.pourhouse.org) on the 4th Sunday of every month. We've been doing this for a year or so and our amazing friends the Wilsmans decided it was time that we partake in community with the people we serve once a month.

I was having a particularly difficult day on Sunday and feeling very anxious. I had been trying to get out of serving meals with the hopes of sitting around and watching TV, but Micah thought about my pleas and determined that we would go serve meals because "it would make me more interesting."

He was right.

We took the cutest crying baby ever (other people's words, not mine) and went down to the veterans memorial in downtown Indy. We strapped her onto myself with the Baby Bjorn and let Campbell work her magic!

Babies are the best conversation starter ever. All we had to do was stand in front of the steps where people were sitting and waiting for their meal and James came to us. He fawned over our darling girl for a few moment and then we started talking. He and Micah hit is off pretty well and I struck up a conversation with a couple walking by. Well, actually they approached us with the question, "Is this baby homeless?" :)

We met lots of people...a woman and her boyfriend who had been trying to get pregnant for years and were now past their first trimester, a man reading Plato for leisurely reading, a father who had a wallet full of pictures of his children and could not be more proud...and we loved them to the best of our abilities. Campbell smiled and cooed and worked her charm. We did our best to not judge, but to care and show respect.

It's difficult, but we strive. We love. We do our best to turn to Jesus and just be.

peace.

pictures

Here are some pictures taken recently. (Spoiler: the final picture is NOT for the faint of heart...) The first picture is Micah reading to Campbell! She loves being read to and has started "reading" back to us!


Check out her double chin and first pair of jeans! She looks like such a big girl! I get teary eyed about how quickly she is growing! I remember scoffing at a person who was dropping off their daughter in the nursery and tearing up because her daughter was 6 months old, but now I totally understand! I am so thankful that I get to be home so much in Campbell's first year of life!


This is a (blurry) shot of the pouting game she loves so much! About one second after this picture was taken she smiled at me.

And now for the gross picture...seriously, if you can't handle poo scroll away now!







(Pardon the baby bottom...)

This is Campbell's finest masterpiece. She did this for us a few weeks ago...hard to believe that tiny bottom can cause such a mess! But, oh! She is a pro!

I believe this happened around 5:30 in the morning. I was changing her diaper inbetween sides when I noticed something on her bottom. It looked like part of a wipe had gotten caught between her cheeks. When I went to wipe it off, she shot poo not only all over the changing table but all over my hand and arm! I screamed and Micah came running. He manned holding her legs while I went to wash my hand. Then I heard him shout! I came running back to this...she had sprayed not only onto the receiving blanket, but also on the side of the shelving unit...amazing.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

peace.

Cars, Coffee, and Campbell

*My car may officially be retired. It's true. I'm pretty disappointed in Nissan. My 2000 Altima only had 120,000 miles on it. Seriously? When did properly maintained cars only start lasting 10 years? That's pretty pathetic. Another "Seriously?" Why do people think they can charge $2000 for cars from the '80's? Though I did find a woody wagon that hold 9 people that was pretty exciting.

*We probably won't get another car until January. Woot for the one car family! Kind of... Parts of me are excited. It's a chance to really clean and organize the house (instead of moving our mess from room to room). It's an opportunity to read the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics (laugh all you want, Joss Whedon is a genius!) that Micah got me for Christmas last year. I can hone my photography skills on our beautiful daughter. I can start the Bible study I bought and planned to do over the summer. I can bake! I can rediscover some of the parts of myself that I miss. Micah even mentioned starting to put documentaries back onto the Blockbuster queue.

*I am going to start running a FREE coffee house from our home. Not really anything fancy, but I'm excited none the less. People who come by to visit will have many choices of tea, chai, hot chocolate, and freshly pressed coffee to choose from. Plus it will be a good way to unload my baked goods and show off a clean and charming (but probably slightly disorganized) home.

*We will save a few bucks by only having one car to put gas into and pay insurance on...insurance south of 52nd St. in Indy is kind of expensive.

*Campbell has started pouting. It's hilarious. Today she would laugh and follow it up with a pout. Then I would say her name and she would look at me and smile. I don't know if she is playing or just forgets why she is pouting when I say her name, but either way it's hilarious. And a good indicator that at a mere 2 months she is learning to work the system.

*peace.

connection

i am typing this with campbell in the crook of my left arm. she is babbling, discovering her hands (by putting them obsessively into her mouth), and occasionally throwing a fit. her temp. has been 99.7 the past 24 hours, so not on the definite fever side, but still higher than normal. i'm just waiting for the tylenol to do its thang.

i ran across my old blog yesterday. my first thought when reading some of the entries was, "i used to be so interesting!" there was something very sobering about that being my initial reaction. why don't i feel interesting anymore? i'm essentially the same person i was...though my packaging is slightly different than it used to be. having a baby changes your body quite a bit.

i used to be so connected. and i miss it. i used to spend hours pouring over music on itunes and at luna and the library. i knew the indie underground. i went to concerts. i had opinions, and most importantly i could support those opinions.

i knew what was going on in east africa. i read the bbc news website. i listened to npr. i was an advocate and strove to give the voiceless a voice. i dreamt of having a little rainbow family.

i went to the y and out to coffee with friends. i went to my students' performances outside of school.

i found great joy in trying to live as minimally as possible. i pined for Jesus to tell me to sell everything so i could follow him. i wanted to quit my job and live in a pop up trailer so i could travel and love people like Jesus. i was so connected to my faith.

now all i hear from God is "I miss you."

i really want to finish this post with something sweet like: but with my sweet girl sleeping in the crook of my left arm i wouldn't trade this for anything.

but it's not true. i love micah and firmly believe he is the most amazing gift from God. i love my daughter, she's amazing. but i miss being connected to the Lord. i miss being advocate. i miss having conversations with people and being passionate.

but i am grateful for this little life. i miss the life i was living in my old blog, but i am still thankful. my hope is just that i become interesting again.

peace.

Our BIG girl!

Our baby girl is getting SO BIG! I seriously can't believe how much she is a full fledged baby now and not a teeny newborn anymore! She holds her head up on her own, she laughs and smiles a ton, and she loves to "talk."

These are all huge rewards for me! I love Campbell, but the first 6 weeks were tough. Lots of tears from both of us...on top of her fits (plus a couple of my own). So it is amazing to have some kind of response from her other than a nap. She is starting to respond and be teachable in a way that is apparent.

We had her 2 month appointment today. :) She was 11 pounds, 14 ounces and 24.5 inches long! That puts her in the 70th percentile for weight and 90th (!!) percentile for height! She has outgrown most of her 3 month clothing, so we have already had to switch her into 6 month clothes! I can't wait for her grandparents to see her next week! If I am able to see how big she has gotten, they will really notice.

Below is a photo we took when she was just 10 (or so) days old...she was so tiny then... :)

peace.

marriage

When most people get married I expect their first thought isn't "when will we get divorced?" Really, while we all know divorce exists most think they are exempt.

My parents divorced when I was in high school then got remarried 2 years ago. My dad was married to my sisters' mom before that. My brother is in the midst of a divorce that is crazier than a soap opera. And, recently, I have found that a handful of my friends are in the midst of divorces themselves.

And it's my friends' divorces that have hit home. The divorces in my family were evident in their coming. But the divorces in my friends' lives have caught me a bit off guard. Especially since they still love their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

I am not writing this to judge, not in the least bit, but to realize that life is fleeting. And no matter how much Micah and I say that divorce isn't an option (which we firmly believe), marriage is work. Regardless of how blissful it is currently, any moment can be invading in the destruction of this bliss.

Doom and gloom aside, I write this as a reminder that Micah and I need keep the communication open and honest. We must continue to share ourselves with each other-emotionally, intellectually, physically. This is made none easier by our beautiful daughter. We must cloak ourselves in prayer and not to forget to pray together. We are not immune.

We work really hard to have an easy marriage. :)

peace.